Archive for criminal mastermind

Winona Loves to Steal: L-O-V-E

Posted in Celebrities with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So Winona Ryder does stuff right?
Sure she does!! She’s starred in “A Scanner Darkly”, “The Darwin Awards”, and has about 6 movies in post and pre-production. Not bad…

So… why does she still feel the need to shoplift?

Maybe she’s tired of shopping for bras that don’t fit, maybe a higher power came down from the mountain and told her that theft would get her into heaven, or maybe its just those voices in her head… maybe it was Tom Cruise. Any thing is possible.

Seems to me however, that Winona-bear just can’t fight that feeling anymore, and the urge to shoplift has just become that nervous ‘tick’- knee-jerk response to shopping.

And who could blame her. I remember… back in the day, how fun it was to try and swipe a pack of gum from the local 7-Eleven… but then again, I was 13, and really just hanging out with the wrong crowd. So what’s Winona’s excuse?

According to The Superficial:

“Security stopped the shopper, who turned out to be none other than Winona Ryder! She showed the guard her receipt and he proceeded to check her bag. There were a couple of makeup items that were not paid for. Wide-eyed Winona said “I don’t know how that happened” and she quickly paid for the makeup before braving the exit once again. “

Well, one thing is for certain, Malls in the United States better start sprucing up their Security, cuz it sounds to me like we’ve got a criminal mastermind on the loose. And it’s a good thing. Way to stick it to THE MAN Winona… you rich n’ famous have things pretty hard in the real world… not.

I can’t believe that Johnny Depp and Matt Damon used to date this nut case…. but then again… who in Hollywood HASN’T dated her?? (It’s one of the 8 wonders of the world really, and Scientists are still feverishly looking for the answer).