Archive for Spice Girls

Britney Spears got Punked!

Posted in Britney Spears, Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2008 by attemptedmustache

In a surprising turn of events, it seems that Britney Spears may not be bipolar or brain damaged after all!!! Hezzah!

Sam Lutfi has allegedly been drugging Spears, in what seems like a misguided attempt to control the pop star.

What was he giving her?!! Flinstones vitamins and Irish Oatmeal (guinea pig pellets)??

Here is the run down, according to The Superficial

“Details of the restraining order against Sam Lutmcgyver have surfaced and it paints a pretty ugly picture of what’s been going down with Britney. Lynne Spears provided most of the information in the document and it contains allegations that Sam was drugging Britney. TMZ reports:

At one point Britney “picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, ‘What does insomnia mean?’ Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.” Lynne continues, “Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel.” The docs continue, “He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.”

After downing the pills, Sam then tried to get Britney to do shots of tequila. He also told Britney that Adnan is gay and later threatened Lynne:

Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs “to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun.”
During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, “If you try to get rid of me, she’ll be dead and I’ll piss on her grave.”
Brit said, “Can I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.”

First things first!! There’s a drug out there that turns people British? I don’t really like bread and potatoes, so I’d like to avoid that if at all possible.

Secondly, how the heck does Britney not know what ‘insomnia’ means? Britney, it’s the same thing you get when your herpies rash that you got from Adnan Ghalib flares up in the middle of the night, and you can’t sleep. Yeah, that was a huge tiny mistake…better blame it on the drugs.

And, some one needs to get all the graveyards in the L.A. area a restraining order against Sam Lutfi. That is pee terrorism.. if I’m not mistaken.

Either way, this is great news! Lets get old Britney back, and the sooner the better. If she gets any more British-ish, she might just have to join the Ninja Turtles… I mean, the Spice Girls. gurrrl power?

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Tom Cruise, Your Mothership has arrived

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2008 by attemptedmustache

Since all the news these days seems to center around the mental instability of Britney Spears, or Sarah Silverman f*#&ing Matt Damon, I thought I’d focus on something a little more realistic. Like intercity space travel, for instance.

I myself have not gotten sick of airplanes just yet, but for those who have, here is an exciting alternative… you know, if you have a couple hundred thous$$ to throw at Virgin Galactic:

Space Tourism: (I.e., Tom Cruise’s ticket back to the motherland. He was exiled on July 3rd 1962 after his birth caused an outbreak of postpartum depression (PPD) in over 20 alien mothers–he has since denied the existence of PPD) However, more formally, Space Tourism is the new promotion Virgin Galactic is potentially offering to future customers. The company announced last week that it’s first tourist space vehicle would also be able to launch satellites and make super-fast intercity trips.

According to New Scientist:

“From next year, Virgin plans to run $200,000-a-time flights from a spaceport in New Mexico. The launch vehicle is WhiteKnightTwo, a four-engine jet aircraft. It has two fuselages joined by a wing that supports a rocket called SpaceShipTwo. At an altitude of 52,000 feet (16 kilometres), the rocket will separate, taking the tourists to an altitude of 140 kilometres for 5 minutes of weightlessness and spectacular views of the Earth.

So far Virgin Galactic has banked $30 million in bookings. But four years ago, when design began, the company had been unsure of demand, so it gave the vehicles extra capacity.”


Personally, I like it that we’re finally creating an outlet for ALL the Scientologists to flee their Earthly realm (starting with Posh Spice, who JUST quit the Spice Girls so she could go pack–that should take about 5 years, roughly).

Scientologists should actually be thanking Virgin Galactic, now they don’t have to waste all that valuable energy levitating their way to outer space, as they had originally planned. This way they can finally focus on more important things, like poisoning the youth of America, for instance.
Although… Tom Cruise IS well-known for playing the sexually frustrated, homosexual aviator “Maverick” in Top Gun… he probably knows how to fly a Space Craft by now… (aka: operate a stick shaft… I mean… ‘shift’.). Don’t they teach that in intro Scientology classes anyway? (aka: extremely interactive, professional couching jumping and squinting classes).

Pictured: Movie Star who only uses 2 facial expressions in every movie he’s in:

‘Smiling’ and ‘not smiling’