Archive for Pam Anderson

Charlie Sheen Gets All the Babes

Posted in Celebrities with tags , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by attemptedmustache

So…. when you thought Tommy Lee and Pam were the only ones spreading Hep C to all the C-List, wannabe, has-been Hollywood celebrities, think again.  Charlie Sheen is a catch, ladies and gentlemen, and if his 10 million broken marriages, crack-cocaine addiction, hooker fetish and 20 totaled vehicles lying in the depths of various ravines in the surrounding Los Angelos area aren’t enough of an indicator, well, then I’m not Miles Davis.

Okay, so I don’t know much about Charlie’s sexual prowess, or whether he has Hep C or not- I haven’t given him his monthy swab treatment for a couple years now, not since I broke out in a full body rash after the last one anyways.   However, I am willing to wage my one remaining good ovary on the charge that he is a high candidate for venereal disease, scabbies, or worms that he likely acquired from having sex with dead animals in dark alleys next to large metal dumpsters filled with dead baby fetuses.

But, all this aside, what any rational human could divulge from his rap-sheet of misdemeanors and social missteps is that that any woman that would date this shining example of a human being is definitely a lady of divine providence (*cough* lady of the night *cough*).  Yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of woman that would date such a man, and I’ve decided that aside from the obvious.. Courtney Love… well, they must have to be a masochist of some extreme variety.

Basically, the kind of woman that likes a “Charlie Sheen” is the kind of woman that likes molten hot spare change and razor blades thrown at her exposed lady bits while she does a naked yoga stretch to Ace of Base’s “I Saw The Sign” at 400am after a night of binge drinking.  I just don’t get how this guy gets laid… other than the obvious ‘pay for it’ through Heidi Fleiss solution…

I guess the moral of the story goes… to all you ladies looking for a shitty man with a bad attitude and a zest for ruining his life and the lives of those around him, don’t go for Charlie Sheen, for god’s sake, just marry a dentist or something.