Archive for Lindsay Lohan

Gorillaz’s “Plastic Beach”: Will Del Ghost Rap out of Russel’s Head?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by attemptedmustache

The Gorillaz‘ ever so anticipated album Plastic Beach is on sale March 8th (and 9th in the US), and I’ve been wetting my seat ever since the first uttering that they’d be returning with a 3rd album.  So what can we expect from 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russell?  Bruce Willis in a vague, nonspecific car chase with probably no shoes on? You betcha!

While Damon Albarn and crew are certain to please with a lyrical hodge-podge of artists all stuffed into Plastic Beach’s album cast, it will be interesting to see how fluid the tracks are and whether or not it will hold up to the high expectations fathered by the International success of the Gorillaz’ debut and sophomore albums.

Though it is unlikely we’ll be storing up our psychedelic mushrooms in anticipation of a possible return of “the fluency with rhyming ingenuity” of the oh so talented Del The Funkee Homosapian, the album WILL sport appearances by the likes of Lou Reed, Mick Jones (The Clash), Paul Simonon (The Clash/The Good, The Bad, and The Queen) Mos Def, Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals), De La Soul, Little Dragon, Snoop Dogg, The Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, Mark E. Smith (The Fall) and singer/songwriter/musician Bobby Womack, which is certain to please even critics and pretentious hipsters with the stickest filters.

But, if you’re not into good music, and feel like spending money on something that is more likely to cause your eyes to vomit and your penis to push the ‘ejector’ button shooting itself deep into your rectum faster than you can say ‘Broomhilda’… well, then Lindsay Lohan is writing a book, and let’s be honest here, it’s probably about that goat she blew when she was high on hillbilly heroin.  No no no, seriously, Lindsay’s changed, I’m sure everything we ever needed to know about LiLo will be spelled out for us in the books dedication:
“For Cocaine, cuz you’re one hell of a drug.”

For more info on what to expect from the Gorillaz in the next week, go see the big kids at Stereogum for details!


Felony, or Bullshit?

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , on January 16, 2008 by attemptedmustache

Definitely a potential mustache.

I’ve spent about a week in complete awe of the situation concerning Olympic sprinter Marion Jones, so forgive me for being behind the headlines. But what the f*#%!?

I just don’t get it… no, not the lying to congress part, I get that THAT is a felony. What I don’t understand is how a woman who injured no one –except maybe herself and the pride of every other pill-popping athlete out there, aka: all of them– is going to jail for !!6months!! for using “performance-enhancing drugs”(duh!).

Yet, Hollywood D-lister and low-life socialite Nicole Richie can get stoned on Vicodin and pot, drive down the wrong side of a California Freeway endangering the lives of many people, and face barely any jail time whatsoever?!

Or Lindsay Lohan can get high on blow and plow her car into a nearby tree (thankfully), flee the scene, and then face little to no jail time?! A talented actress nonetheless, but PlllEase! I didn’t think the law bended that easily.

Paris Hilton! She should just go to jail for being completely the void of talent and a complete waste of space, let alone the list of felonies she’s gotten away with.

I won’t hack on Britney Spears, but I’m mentioning her as well here.

Hollywood stars get away with MURDER. And what does this giant contradiction here tell us?!

That we put immense pressure on athletes to be role models?

That we expect athletes to attain some level of super-human strength that isn’t physically possible?

That we don’t acknowledge that virtually all of paid athletes have chemists that they pay to manipulate their blood chemistry so ‘performance enhancing drugs’ aren’t detected during blood tests?

Paid athletisicm, especially in the United States, glorifies an unrealistic ideal of human physicality, strength, speed and agility. Yet we harpoon athletes for comforming to the demands of society by taking ‘performance enhancing drugs’ in order to meet those goals. Higher, faster, stronger… right?

I think instead of chastising athletes like Marion Jones, we should (as one of my Professor’s stated) be drawing our attention more closely to some of the ‘dirty secrets that underpin paid athleticism’, instead of getting pissed off and incarcerating those individuals who inadvertently expose them.