Archive for Courtney Love

Charlie Sheen Gets All the Babes

Posted in Celebrities with tags , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by attemptedmustache

So…. when you thought Tommy Lee and Pam were the only ones spreading Hep C to all the C-List, wannabe, has-been Hollywood celebrities, think again.  Charlie Sheen is a catch, ladies and gentlemen, and if his 10 million broken marriages, crack-cocaine addiction, hooker fetish and 20 totaled vehicles lying in the depths of various ravines in the surrounding Los Angelos area aren’t enough of an indicator, well, then I’m not Miles Davis.

Okay, so I don’t know much about Charlie’s sexual prowess, or whether he has Hep C or not- I haven’t given him his monthy swab treatment for a couple years now, not since I broke out in a full body rash after the last one anyways.   However, I am willing to wage my one remaining good ovary on the charge that he is a high candidate for venereal disease, scabbies, or worms that he likely acquired from having sex with dead animals in dark alleys next to large metal dumpsters filled with dead baby fetuses.

But, all this aside, what any rational human could divulge from his rap-sheet of misdemeanors and social missteps is that that any woman that would date this shining example of a human being is definitely a lady of divine providence (*cough* lady of the night *cough*).  Yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about the kind of woman that would date such a man, and I’ve decided that aside from the obvious.. Courtney Love… well, they must have to be a masochist of some extreme variety.

Basically, the kind of woman that likes a “Charlie Sheen” is the kind of woman that likes molten hot spare change and razor blades thrown at her exposed lady bits while she does a naked yoga stretch to Ace of Base’s “I Saw The Sign” at 400am after a night of binge drinking.  I just don’t get how this guy gets laid… other than the obvious ‘pay for it’ through Heidi Fleiss solution…

I guess the moral of the story goes… to all you ladies looking for a shitty man with a bad attitude and a zest for ruining his life and the lives of those around him, don’t go for Charlie Sheen, for god’s sake, just marry a dentist or something.

Frances Bean Cobain has already surpassed her mother, yep, she can SPEAK!

Posted in Music with tags , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So has time gone screwy, or am I just getting old?
Yep, I’m old… and so is Frances Bean Cobain… 15 years if you’ll believe it!! Which is remarkable, considering in my minds eye, she’s still about 7 years old, and I’m still 18… haven’t aged a day. nope.

So, other than working on her modeling career, and clearly wearing pajamas for a living, the miniature Cobain is also giving the press the old F.O!

According to Music News:

“Appearing in Harper’s Bazaar spread, Frances, Bean spoke of her hopes and plans for the future and insisted “I’m not my parents”.

Speaking about the public’s interest in her life, she explained: “These people are fascinated by me, but I haven’t done anything.”

“If you’re a big Nirvana fan, or a big Hole fan, then I understand why you would want to get to know me, but I’m not my parents.” “People need to wait until I’ve done something valid with my life”, said Cobain, who is considering a career in the media as a journalist or photographer.”

So how about that? Ms. Cobain seems pretty grounded… which, when you consider the events leading up to this point in her life, seems kinda miraculous.

Personally, I’ll just let her enjoy these last few years before the Paris’ and the Britney’s get a hold of her… then I guess we can start adding a candle for every extra D.U.I., fake British accent and stint in rehab. Well… lets hope not!

But for now… I hope she’ll just give me those shoes.