Archive for Cocaine

Gorillaz’s “Plastic Beach”: Will Del Ghost Rap out of Russel’s Head?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2010 by attemptedmustache

The Gorillaz‘ ever so anticipated album Plastic Beach is on sale March 8th (and 9th in the US), and I’ve been wetting my seat ever since the first uttering that they’d be returning with a 3rd album.  So what can we expect from 2D, Murdoc, Noodle and Russell?  Bruce Willis in a vague, nonspecific car chase with probably no shoes on? You betcha!

While Damon Albarn and crew are certain to please with a lyrical hodge-podge of artists all stuffed into Plastic Beach’s album cast, it will be interesting to see how fluid the tracks are and whether or not it will hold up to the high expectations fathered by the International success of the Gorillaz’ debut and sophomore albums.

Though it is unlikely we’ll be storing up our psychedelic mushrooms in anticipation of a possible return of “the fluency with rhyming ingenuity” of the oh so talented Del The Funkee Homosapian, the album WILL sport appearances by the likes of Lou Reed, Mick Jones (The Clash), Paul Simonon (The Clash/The Good, The Bad, and The Queen) Mos Def, Gruff Rhys (Super Furry Animals), De La Soul, Little Dragon, Snoop Dogg, The Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, Mark E. Smith (The Fall) and singer/songwriter/musician Bobby Womack, which is certain to please even critics and pretentious hipsters with the stickest filters.

But, if you’re not into good music, and feel like spending money on something that is more likely to cause your eyes to vomit and your penis to push the ‘ejector’ button shooting itself deep into your rectum faster than you can say ‘Broomhilda’… well, then Lindsay Lohan is writing a book, and let’s be honest here, it’s probably about that goat she blew when she was high on hillbilly heroin.  No no no, seriously, Lindsay’s changed, I’m sure everything we ever needed to know about LiLo will be spelled out for us in the books dedication:
“For Cocaine, cuz you’re one hell of a drug.”

For more info on what to expect from the Gorillaz in the next week, go see the big kids at Stereogum for details!


Blur for Blow

Posted in Music, World with tags , , , , , , on January 24, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So I guess Rick James isn’t the only celebrity out there willing to publicly admit that cocaine is ‘one hell of a drug’.

Apparently Alex James (‘James’!! Coincidence… I think not!!), bass player for British band ‘Blur’, is expected to present an edition of ‘Panorama’ next week on the Columbian cocaine trade, according to

Yes, any human with half an inkling of a social consciousness knows that cocaine IS the rich man’s aspirin, and as a bonus it even doubles as the powdered equivalent of liquid Draino, for your nose; ‘it’s just sooo clean’.
Soooo, with this in mind, Alex James was DEFINITELY a perfect candidate for President Alvaro Uribe to invite to the country to investigate the cocaine trade. Rumor has it that Uribe simultaneously solved a magical rubik’s cube when the idea to invite James occurred to him.

But seriously, who knows cocaine and the drug trade better than celebrities? They know about as much about cocaine as I do about coffee (Columbian connection!), or at least they’ve ingested enough over the years to be crazy enough to think they do. On second thought, who knows more about anything to do with anything than celebrities? I mean, I could have thought of no BETTER suited person than Alex James to go to Columbia to investigate the drug wars, interview farmers, sellers and enforcers… not even Angelina Jolie… I have bigger plans for her, as the next Jesus, of course.

Nope, definitely couldn’t think of anyone more appropriate …

*cough* Experts in the Field *cough* Narcotics Expert *cough* Drug Trafficking Expert *cough*

Though… the jury is still out on whether or not I’d even consider Alex James a ‘celebrity’ per say; though I hear he makes a really half decent cheese… I DO like cheese.

And speaking of deviated septums, I wonder what Lindsay Lohan thinks about being overlooked for this project? Lindsay, you were MY first choice!