Archive for the Sports Category

Sportiness = Godliness

Posted in Current Events, Sports, Television, World with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by attemptedmustache

Vancouver has been shooting out bursts of orgasmic Olympic pride around the clock for the last 2 weeks, and boy is it hard not to get caught up in the commotion.  In fact, I’m starting to feel like I’m the latest star of an Activia yogurt commercial, and I’m really getting off on what I’m consuming… or, something of that nature.
But if the Olympics continue for Canada the way they have been for the last two weeks, not only is the greater Vancouver area going to be run-over with a careless slew of freely spread STDs and STIs, but I think just about every other person is going to start sympathizing more and more with the woman who can’t stop orgasming.

However, all this blatant Nationalism could be seen as more problematic than the curious genital rash acquired after a weekend of hard partying.  As Canadians, should we concerned that our polite (snobbish?) International image is going to be tarnished by this blatant, and potentially arrogant parade of National pride?
Probably not. I’d say much like the genital rash, it will be short lived, and unlikely to reoccur for at least another couple years.  Im happy to incur then that we’re just really proud to be Canadian, and it’s about time it showed in more than just the quality of our bacon and homemade bongs.

What all this round-the-clock Olympic insanity really leaves me to ponder is how come we get off so much on sport?!

Whether you just jizzed in your pants consuming the games via the BIGGEST phallic shaped television the technological world has yet to conceive , or whether you’re just out there doing it the organic way, what is it about athletic competition that gets us all so revved up?  Why are we sport fanatics?  Is it all just endorphins? Jockstraps? Spandex?

Sport has a long history, and it takes up a curious space in contemporary society.  Whether you focus on the manner in which American Football resembles tactics of ancient warfare, the changes brought about by the introduction of performance enhancing drugs, or the slow and somewhat arduous battle of women in their necessary crusade to join the sporting arena, one has to stop and think about the way sport has evolved, what it means for us today, and how it continues to mimic some of humankind’s most time honored traditions and ideals.

There is something truly remarkable and inspiring that happens while witnessing the Olympic spectacle and our amazing athletes as they overcome fear, adversity, pain, and defeat, often at their own physical peril.  But therein lies the rub…

As North Americans, we want our athletes like we want our pick-up trucks–bigger, stronger, faster–and more and more we see athletes teetering on that thin line that exists between disaster and fame, pushing themselves to extremes, often subverting what we commonly acknowledge as the natural physical limitations of human body.  We chastise athletes for their use of steroids, and other performance enhancing drugs, but we still expect them to perform superhuman feats with relative ease.

Some people suggest that Sport has taken the ultimate place in the forefront of all of our psyche, and is in many ways the new ‘religion’ of modern cultures; ‘the opium of the masses’, if you will, distracting us from the disenchanted reality of our daily lives.
So then… are we all just worshipping false idols?

I suppose it would take the authentic knowledge of a high performance athlete to truly know wherein the risks and the pitfalls lie, and what it’s all worth in the end… but it is MY responsibility as a voyeur to be conscientious before my ritual viewing, and actively watch sport from a place of objectivity.
It’s one thing to ride the thunderlightning like Macbeth and cheer on those dirty goals, but I have to quote M.J. when I say no man nor athlete can always be faithful, nor walk when not able, and fight to the end, cuz we’re only human.


Visually impaired cantelope, or Blind Melon?

Posted in Media, Music, Society, Sports with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So, you guys might have heard, Heath Ledger is dead. Yeah, I don’t wanna focus on that, but I am, albeit temporarily, reminded of that sick sort of feeling I get whenever a famous celebrity passes away; that tragic queasy feeling I get in my stomach is all too familiar.
It’s a faint reminder of how I felt when Brandon Lee died, Kurt Cobain, Shannon Hoon…

Shannon Hoon…
If some of you didn’t realize how amazing Blind Melon was/is, it’s time to start learning.
I had the fortunate luck of being trapped in my car on the road to Lethbridge this past weekend. I was taking in the usual sights, sounds, smells… ever notice how Southern Alberta smells like two things: either the fun-loving combination of skunks and tires, or the unjustifiable stench of a 1000 menstruating cows.
This drive in particular was one of the latter trips, and the menstruating cow had infiltrated itself into every single, occupiable vent my rapidly aging 1996 Intrepid had to offer. But this was the least of my worries; I’d left my usual toppling stack of car CDs back at my apartment in Lethbridge.
Fine… so I turned on the radio, and tuned in…not so bad, you might think…
On this particular day the infuriating radio personality ‘Fraiser’, on the once decent, but more recently shitty Calgary radio station X92.9 seemed to feel it was his outspoken, ignorant, misogynist duty to openly voice his unjustified, hateful opinions on women’s hockey. He then proceeded to justify his ridiculous rant by not backing up any of his outrageous statements toward the ‘other’ sex’s position in a sporting arena which he blatantly seemed to deem unfit for a woman. Furthermore, in the typical fashion of an uneducated ignoramus, he continued to spout his valueless opinions, and even had the audacity to claim that all the women in the world ought to patiently and passively listen to his worthless opinions on this shittier-than-Dr. Phil public forum (what I would consider the verbal equivalent of a Mexican ‘donkey’ show), until some woman could otherwise earn his respect by convincing him out of his unjustified verbal lashing towards a sport he seemed to have little-to-no knowledge about.
So while he got jacked-up on testosterone, in his sweat pants, beating off to his Nickelback CD that he must listen to on commercial breaks, I tuned out, and tuned in to an old Blind Melon Mix CD… and thank god for that.
So… here I am to repay the favor.