Archive for the Current Events Category

Tron Legacy: Daft Punk recording tracks for “The Dude”

Posted in Celebrities, Current Events, Cyberspace, Movies, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2010 by attemptedmustache

Sick of dressing up like a robot every weekend and running through large crowds of people trying to freak them out? Well, stop a pedestrian and ask them to press the ‘cool down’ button on your control panel cuz you’re all getting what you want for Christmas this year: TRON Legacy!

Yep, it’s been a long time since that groundbreaking day in 1982, but TRON will be back making it’s return to theaters December 17th, 2010..  While December may seem like far too long for any hardcore cult movie superfan, tech-geek, gamer, or Jeff Bridges fanatic to have to wait, it’ll be here faster than that Mathlete you hired to find the square root of your apartment.

As for those of you who risked your lives this weekend braving theaters to see Disney’s imaginative and dark 3D blockbuster Alice in Wonderland, you probably had to get up and wipe your seat a couple times after the preview reel unveiled a special TRON Legacy sneak peak!
Yes, fortunately for TRON junkies, it seems that Disney has answered all your secret prayers.
Properly acknowledging that TRON 2.0– the first person shooter game included in the 2003 20th Anniversary Edition of the original-was hardly enough to pass muster with die-hard fans, Disney has thus collaborated with titan screenwriters Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis (LOST) for TRON Legacy to give devotees the kind of sequel pizzaz they’re looking for!

In fact, Disney Digital 3D seems to have some pretty groovy projects stuffed up their sleeves as of late, and if they can pull it off, TRON Legacy could very well be at the pinnacle of all that hullabaloo.  So, if you’re even half as nerdy as I am, you best hold onto your bike helmet and strap on your knee and elbow pads, cuz not only is everyone’s favorite Dude– Jeff Bridges -going to abide and give you a violent mindgasm, but if you like the sound of sexy robots mating, then French electronic super-duo Daft Punk will also be composing 24 titillating tracks for the film’s musical score… just one more reason not to sack France.

Don’t like the sound of Digital Love? Well, then TRON also has the extremely aesthetically charming Olivia Wilde !!  That girl’s face is enough to sink a fleet of ships, and I’m pretty sure watching her overcome the trials and tribulations of cyberspace will be a nice change for those of you who are accustomed to looking up pictures of her online with a convenient stash of kleenex, lubricant and warming massage oils on your desktop…

As for me… I’m guna be counting down the days to December 17th with robotic control.
All I ask of Disney is PLEASE include a scene in which a flock of birds get sucked into the lightcycle engines. Yeeeah, it doesn’t make any sense, but here’s hoping they’re endangered….


Sportiness = Godliness

Posted in Current Events, Sports, Television, World with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by attemptedmustache

Vancouver has been shooting out bursts of orgasmic Olympic pride around the clock for the last 2 weeks, and boy is it hard not to get caught up in the commotion.  In fact, I’m starting to feel like I’m the latest star of an Activia yogurt commercial, and I’m really getting off on what I’m consuming… or, something of that nature.
But if the Olympics continue for Canada the way they have been for the last two weeks, not only is the greater Vancouver area going to be run-over with a careless slew of freely spread STDs and STIs, but I think just about every other person is going to start sympathizing more and more with the woman who can’t stop orgasming.

However, all this blatant Nationalism could be seen as more problematic than the curious genital rash acquired after a weekend of hard partying.  As Canadians, should we concerned that our polite (snobbish?) International image is going to be tarnished by this blatant, and potentially arrogant parade of National pride?
Probably not. I’d say much like the genital rash, it will be short lived, and unlikely to reoccur for at least another couple years.  Im happy to incur then that we’re just really proud to be Canadian, and it’s about time it showed in more than just the quality of our bacon and homemade bongs.

What all this round-the-clock Olympic insanity really leaves me to ponder is how come we get off so much on sport?!

Whether you just jizzed in your pants consuming the games via the BIGGEST phallic shaped television the technological world has yet to conceive , or whether you’re just out there doing it the organic way, what is it about athletic competition that gets us all so revved up?  Why are we sport fanatics?  Is it all just endorphins? Jockstraps? Spandex?

Sport has a long history, and it takes up a curious space in contemporary society.  Whether you focus on the manner in which American Football resembles tactics of ancient warfare, the changes brought about by the introduction of performance enhancing drugs, or the slow and somewhat arduous battle of women in their necessary crusade to join the sporting arena, one has to stop and think about the way sport has evolved, what it means for us today, and how it continues to mimic some of humankind’s most time honored traditions and ideals.

There is something truly remarkable and inspiring that happens while witnessing the Olympic spectacle and our amazing athletes as they overcome fear, adversity, pain, and defeat, often at their own physical peril.  But therein lies the rub…

As North Americans, we want our athletes like we want our pick-up trucks–bigger, stronger, faster–and more and more we see athletes teetering on that thin line that exists between disaster and fame, pushing themselves to extremes, often subverting what we commonly acknowledge as the natural physical limitations of human body.  We chastise athletes for their use of steroids, and other performance enhancing drugs, but we still expect them to perform superhuman feats with relative ease.

Some people suggest that Sport has taken the ultimate place in the forefront of all of our psyche, and is in many ways the new ‘religion’ of modern cultures; ‘the opium of the masses’, if you will, distracting us from the disenchanted reality of our daily lives.
So then… are we all just worshipping false idols?

I suppose it would take the authentic knowledge of a high performance athlete to truly know wherein the risks and the pitfalls lie, and what it’s all worth in the end… but it is MY responsibility as a voyeur to be conscientious before my ritual viewing, and actively watch sport from a place of objectivity.
It’s one thing to ride the thunderlightning like Macbeth and cheer on those dirty goals, but I have to quote M.J. when I say no man nor athlete can always be faithful, nor walk when not able, and fight to the end, cuz we’re only human.

Senate puts a limit on waterboarding–Torture isn’t cool?

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 15, 2008 by attemptedmustache

The US Senate decided to limit the C.I.A’s use of drastic interrogation techniques such as water-boarding (simulated drowning, aka: torture).
According to BBC News:

“The Senate vote follows a similar move by the House of Representatives in December, despite a threat by President George W Bush to veto such legislation.

A senior justice department official is set to testify later in the day that water-boarding is now not legal.

“The set of interrogation methods authorised for current use is narrower than before, and it does not today include water-boarding,” says Steven Bradbury, the acting head of the Department of Justice’s Office of Legal Counsel.”

But liberals and humanists around the world, don’t put down your picketing signs just yet… the debate isn’t over!!

Brainiac U.S. President George W. Bush announced today that he does indeed plan to veto the legislation passed by the Senate.

Makes me feel like we’re living in medieval times. I propose that since we’re so down with torture, we may as well start burning witches at the stake again, it’s equally reasonable.

Some may argue that water-boarding is a perfectly legitimate method of interrogation, but I don’t think anyone has ever proved that forms of torture are any more effective at producing a desired outcome than other less archaic methods of interrogation. Using terrorism to end terrorism is likely the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard of, but it seems to coincide well with the other acts of pure genius the President has supported… like using terrorism to promote democracy, for instance.

In the President’s defense, I will admit that I don’t mutually understand what it must be like running the most powerful country in the world. Perhaps I should grow a penis, drop 10 hits of acid and THEN I’d be more qualified?

Nothern Illinois University Shooting

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 14, 2008 by attemptedmustache

A mere 10 months after the shooting at Virginia Tech State University that took the lives of 32 people and the gunman Seung-Hui Cho, another school shooting has occurred, this time at the North Illinois University just outside Chicago.

I’m not going to speculate as to why this keeps happening. I think there are so many answers to that question, and people are too blind to look at the root causes.
I just cannot understand why places of learning have become the battlefield where these sorts of things play themselves out, over and over again, in such a hateful way. It is truly horrifying.

According to CNN:

“A person who shot 13 people Thursday at Northern Illinois University’s DeKalb campus outside Chicago has died, local reports said.


Ambulances line up at Northern Illinois University after a shooting.

” Most of the 13 wounded were shot in the head, said Theresa Comitas, spokeswoman for Kishwaukee Community Hospital, located about 10 minutes from the school.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the DeKalb County coroner’s office said no fatalities had been immediately reported.

A local hospital tells CNN affiliate CLTV that it expects to receive 15 patients and has so far treated at least two.

CLTV reports that Kishwaukee Medical Center in DeKalb is treating six people with head wounds.”

Other Sources are reporting that 17 persons were shot at and wounded, and 3 are being reported as in critical condition. The story is still developing.

I personally cannot comment on any of this, but my thoughts are with all those involved, the victims, their friends and families.

Britney Spears got Punked!

Posted in Britney Spears, Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2008 by attemptedmustache

In a surprising turn of events, it seems that Britney Spears may not be bipolar or brain damaged after all!!! Hezzah!

Sam Lutfi has allegedly been drugging Spears, in what seems like a misguided attempt to control the pop star.

What was he giving her?!! Flinstones vitamins and Irish Oatmeal (guinea pig pellets)??

Here is the run down, according to The Superficial

“Details of the restraining order against Sam Lutmcgyver have surfaced and it paints a pretty ugly picture of what’s been going down with Britney. Lynne Spears provided most of the information in the document and it contains allegations that Sam was drugging Britney. TMZ reports:

At one point Britney “picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, ‘What does insomnia mean?’ Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.” Lynne continues, “Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel.” The docs continue, “He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.”

After downing the pills, Sam then tried to get Britney to do shots of tequila. He also told Britney that Adnan is gay and later threatened Lynne:

Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs “to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun.”
During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, “If you try to get rid of me, she’ll be dead and I’ll piss on her grave.”
Brit said, “Can I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.”

First things first!! There’s a drug out there that turns people British? I don’t really like bread and potatoes, so I’d like to avoid that if at all possible.

Secondly, how the heck does Britney not know what ‘insomnia’ means? Britney, it’s the same thing you get when your herpies rash that you got from Adnan Ghalib flares up in the middle of the night, and you can’t sleep. Yeah, that was a huge tiny mistake…better blame it on the drugs.

And, some one needs to get all the graveyards in the L.A. area a restraining order against Sam Lutfi. That is pee terrorism.. if I’m not mistaken.

Either way, this is great news! Lets get old Britney back, and the sooner the better. If she gets any more British-ish, she might just have to join the Ninja Turtles… I mean, the Spice Girls. gurrrl power?

Tom Cruise, Your Mothership has arrived

Posted in Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2008 by attemptedmustache

Since all the news these days seems to center around the mental instability of Britney Spears, or Sarah Silverman f*#&ing Matt Damon, I thought I’d focus on something a little more realistic. Like intercity space travel, for instance.

I myself have not gotten sick of airplanes just yet, but for those who have, here is an exciting alternative… you know, if you have a couple hundred thous$$ to throw at Virgin Galactic:

Space Tourism: (I.e., Tom Cruise’s ticket back to the motherland. He was exiled on July 3rd 1962 after his birth caused an outbreak of postpartum depression (PPD) in over 20 alien mothers–he has since denied the existence of PPD) However, more formally, Space Tourism is the new promotion Virgin Galactic is potentially offering to future customers. The company announced last week that it’s first tourist space vehicle would also be able to launch satellites and make super-fast intercity trips.

According to New Scientist:

“From next year, Virgin plans to run $200,000-a-time flights from a spaceport in New Mexico. The launch vehicle is WhiteKnightTwo, a four-engine jet aircraft. It has two fuselages joined by a wing that supports a rocket called SpaceShipTwo. At an altitude of 52,000 feet (16 kilometres), the rocket will separate, taking the tourists to an altitude of 140 kilometres for 5 minutes of weightlessness and spectacular views of the Earth.

So far Virgin Galactic has banked $30 million in bookings. But four years ago, when design began, the company had been unsure of demand, so it gave the vehicles extra capacity.”

Personally, I like it that we’re finally creating an outlet for ALL the Scientologists to flee their Earthly realm (starting with Posh Spice, who JUST quit the Spice Girls so she could go pack–that should take about 5 years, roughly).

Scientologists should actually be thanking Virgin Galactic, now they don’t have to waste all that valuable energy levitating their way to outer space, as they had originally planned. This way they can finally focus on more important things, like poisoning the youth of America, for instance.
Although… Tom Cruise IS well-known for playing the sexually frustrated, homosexual aviator “Maverick” in Top Gun… he probably knows how to fly a Space Craft by now… (aka: operate a stick shaft… I mean… ‘shift’.). Don’t they teach that in intro Scientology classes anyway? (aka: extremely interactive, professional couching jumping and squinting classes).

Pictured: Movie Star who only uses 2 facial expressions in every movie he’s in:

‘Smiling’ and ‘not smiling’


Britney Took My Advice, Went to Mental Town

Posted in Britney Spears, Current Events, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2008 by attemptedmustache

In probably the sanest move we’ve seen from Britney Spears in a LONG time, the pop tartlet checked herself into UCLA for mental evaluation early this morning.

According to The Superficial:

“Britney went willingly. It was like something in her heart was telling her she should go. She knew something was wrong,” confidant Sam Lutfi tells PEOPLE.

However Sam Lutfi may no longer be speaking for Britney. TMZ is reporting that Britney’s parents are taking control of the situation and are working with a judge to get control of Britney:
(wow, we all know she’s in REALLY good hands when Lynn Spears is on the job!)

We’re told Britney’s mother, father and brother have been “working closely with the LAPD for weeks” to get her back in for psychiatric care. There is now a dogfight between Britney’s family and Sam Lutfi over who will make medical decisions, however, that fight is now put on hold because the judge now makes the call.”

I’m really glad to see that Britney (aka: Kevin Federline’s former meal ticket) is FINALLY taking the initiative to get better, unless this is some sort of publicity stunt, which in that case, I’m very disappointed. The poor girl is more highly criticized in America than Osama Bin Laden. In her 26 years on the planet she’s had unfathomable success as a pop star, 2 kids, had those kids taken away from her, seen the rise and fall of her singing career, a divorce, an annulment, and she seems to be going through some sort of pseudo mid-life crisis/mental break down right smack-dab in the center of the public spotlight… while she’s simultaneously being exploited by the media elite, no less.

I honestly think that staying in some sort of private care institution would be the most normal thing she could do for herself right now. But I don’t really know shit, by Britney standards. I doubt any one could really say with any certainty what the girl really needs. (a hug)