Archive for the Britney Spears Category

Oh Britney… How many times do I have to tell you, YOU ARE NOT SAILOR MOON!!

Posted in Britney Spears with tags , , , , , , on March 14, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So Britney Spears’ newest video “Break the Ice” just leaked a couple days ago, and… well, it’s definitely a channel changer… and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Yeah, it might seem like Britney and her camp are just all caught up in making an elongated series of BAD decisions, and this definitely adds to the list.  Like.. what the fuck WAS THAT?!

I mean, I’m rooting for you Britney, but it doesn’t seem like Papa Spears is doing a better job babysitting you and your career than you did babysitting your dog Bitbit.
(May he rest in peace.)

Kay, so I don’t ACTUALLY know whether or not Bitbit is alive or dead, or still chillin’ in that pink boa you see above… but we all know that he was NEVER toilet trained, and thats a damn shame.

Anyways… watch the video, and prepare to be bored, confused, and maybe even a little turned on… I don’t know how she does it.

Over and out.

Justin Timberlake is a big Cry-Baby

Posted in Britney Spears, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 11, 2008 by attemptedmustache

So getting cheated on sucks right?
Well I guess it sucks even more when you’re a pop superstar, and every chic in the world wants you. At least thats the impression famous rack-grabber, whiner, and breast exposer Justin Timberlake seems to give. Get over yourself Justin.

Yeah, even at about 27 years of age, Justin is still acting like a whiney, horny, jaded little teenager going through puberty, and it seems to come out in the form of dissing his ex, Britney Spears. I mean, as if she doesn’t have throngs of insults flying at her on a daily basis already… you’d think a man who used to be in love with her might have SOME compassion.

However, douchebag Justin still seems to think it’s awesome to take the petty cuts and jabs at his ex. I mean, it’s probably the easiest, most unintelligent way to insult someone, and in my humble opinion, Justin just proved his IQ, or lack there of. I wonder what Jessica Biel must think of this? “Hey, I have an awesome ass… why is he still fixated on his ex girlfriend?” Yeah, it might go something like that.
Or it might go like this: “Wow, my boyfriend is a petty weiner, and he has a huge ‘small man’ complex”.
It’s okay Justin, we KNOW, we’re okay with it… you can stop overcompensating for a lack of something now.

According to TMZ:

Justin Timberlake didn’t keep his stick in a box on Monday night, when he jabbed at ex-galpal Britney Spears at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony.

“The world has always been full of Madonna wannabes,” said JT as he introduced the Material Mom, an inductee, reports Us. “I might have even dated a couple.” Day-um. He also zinged, “She has still found time to kiss someone I may or may not have publicly kissed myself while I was in the audience. Of course you know I was talking about Sean Penn.”

Yeah, really this shit is all nonesense, and I don’t even know WHY I’m posting on it. But I guess I get a little sick of hearing the snobby prick whine about his ex-girlfriend constantly, it’s been like 10 years or something… get OVER it!
She snogged another guy cuz she got bored, and you couldn’t keep her interested. And all the insults just make me think you’re still in love with her, even after all the crazy shit. I think the two of you should just shack up, rent a trailer, have 10 kids, and finally live the way you were always meant to.

Over and out.

How I Met Your Baby’s Mama?

Posted in Britney Spears, Television with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 10, 2008 by attemptedmustache

Well, seems that Britney Spears might still have a shot at making it to hillbilly heaven after all. Yep, she’s been slotted to return to the small screen on the CBS hit television series “How I Met Your Mother”. And if you haven’t heard of the show before, or seen it with your own eyes… it’s actually a REALLY good show. So… it’s kinda shocking that they’re taking the Britney risk… Though it’s certain to get them a herpies outbreak on set, I do believe it is ratings they’re after, or perhaps a swarm of paparazzo douchebags on their lawn to target with tanks, and projectile missiles.

According to Pink is the New Blog :

Britney showed up at the FOX Studios lot this morning with only her agent in tow to sit down with the cast of the show for the episode read-thru. I’m told she was “really funny”, “very professional” and that the character might become a recurring character on the show. Additionally, most of her scenes are with the Ted Mosby character played by Josh Radnor. This episode of How I Met Your Mother is the third of the new eps that have been written since the show came back from the Writer’s Strike hiatus and since the first new ep airs next week it may air three weeks after that (the week of April 7th).

So, hopefully this move ends up being a a win-win for ‘HIMYM’ and for Britney. ‘HIMYM’ definitely needs a gimmick to get them out of that treacherous ‘bubble’ territory… ‘Bubble’ meaning: the show is about to be given the axe, and producers are devising ideas to try and gain a little ratings momentum. Though Britney seems like the unlikely candidate in offering help to anyone, perhaps she’s getting a little here herself. I mean, Brit’s career could certainly use a little positive momentum. Although she doesn’t seem to have trouble selling albums, everyone knows full well that in her personal life, she’s about 2 mistakes away from diaperville with Ozzy Osborne, and the other brainmelts.

Here’s hoping the pop tartlet and the awesome show don’t hit any nasty detours in this brilliant ratings plot.

Over and out.

Britney Spears got Punked!

Posted in Britney Spears, Current Events with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2008 by attemptedmustache

In a surprising turn of events, it seems that Britney Spears may not be bipolar or brain damaged after all!!! Hezzah!

Sam Lutfi has allegedly been drugging Spears, in what seems like a misguided attempt to control the pop star.

What was he giving her?!! Flinstones vitamins and Irish Oatmeal (guinea pig pellets)??

Here is the run down, according to The Superficial

“Details of the restraining order against Sam Lutmcgyver have surfaced and it paints a pretty ugly picture of what’s been going down with Britney. Lynne Spears provided most of the information in the document and it contains allegations that Sam was drugging Britney. TMZ reports:

At one point Britney “picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, ‘What does insomnia mean?’ Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.” Lynne continues, “Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel.” The docs continue, “He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.”

After downing the pills, Sam then tried to get Britney to do shots of tequila. He also told Britney that Adnan is gay and later threatened Lynne:

Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs “to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun.”
During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, “If you try to get rid of me, she’ll be dead and I’ll piss on her grave.”
Brit said, “Can I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.”

First things first!! There’s a drug out there that turns people British? I don’t really like bread and potatoes, so I’d like to avoid that if at all possible.

Secondly, how the heck does Britney not know what ‘insomnia’ means? Britney, it’s the same thing you get when your herpies rash that you got from Adnan Ghalib flares up in the middle of the night, and you can’t sleep. Yeah, that was a huge tiny mistake…better blame it on the drugs.

And, some one needs to get all the graveyards in the L.A. area a restraining order against Sam Lutfi. That is pee terrorism.. if I’m not mistaken.

Either way, this is great news! Lets get old Britney back, and the sooner the better. If she gets any more British-ish, she might just have to join the Ninja Turtles… I mean, the Spice Girls. gurrrl power?

Britney Took My Advice, Went to Mental Town

Posted in Britney Spears, Current Events, Music with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2008 by attemptedmustache

In probably the sanest move we’ve seen from Britney Spears in a LONG time, the pop tartlet checked herself into UCLA for mental evaluation early this morning.

According to The Superficial:

“Britney went willingly. It was like something in her heart was telling her she should go. She knew something was wrong,” confidant Sam Lutfi tells PEOPLE.

However Sam Lutfi may no longer be speaking for Britney. TMZ is reporting that Britney’s parents are taking control of the situation and are working with a judge to get control of Britney:
(wow, we all know she’s in REALLY good hands when Lynn Spears is on the job!)

We’re told Britney’s mother, father and brother have been “working closely with the LAPD for weeks” to get her back in for psychiatric care. There is now a dogfight between Britney’s family and Sam Lutfi over who will make medical decisions, however, that fight is now put on hold because the judge now makes the call.”

I’m really glad to see that Britney (aka: Kevin Federline’s former meal ticket) is FINALLY taking the initiative to get better, unless this is some sort of publicity stunt, which in that case, I’m very disappointed. The poor girl is more highly criticized in America than Osama Bin Laden. In her 26 years on the planet she’s had unfathomable success as a pop star, 2 kids, had those kids taken away from her, seen the rise and fall of her singing career, a divorce, an annulment, and she seems to be going through some sort of pseudo mid-life crisis/mental break down right smack-dab in the center of the public spotlight… while she’s simultaneously being exploited by the media elite, no less.

I honestly think that staying in some sort of private care institution would be the most normal thing she could do for herself right now. But I don’t really know shit, by Britney standards. I doubt any one could really say with any certainty what the girl really needs. (a hug)

Britney Spears Wants to Steal Your Child

Posted in Britney Spears, Media with tags , , , , , on January 26, 2008 by attemptedmustache

The latest in the unraveling saga that is Britney Spears’ life ought to strike fear in the heart of every parent living in the general Los Angeles area.
According to the paparazzo Brit-Brit was spotted cruising around a Beverly Hills Elementary School, smoking and talking like a crazy British person. (Not shocking?).

Despite claiming that she was there to pick up her lawyer’s children, it seems clear to me that she was purely trolling around for lost kids to steal.

Since it seems like her days of blasting out babies like she’s the human equivalent of a canon in the battle of Normandy have ceased (albeit, probably temporarily), Brit must be looking to update her already insane hillbilly status to ‘insane hillbilly child kidnapper’.
Or at least it seems that way.
Now, all this is very hard for me to admit, being the die-hard Britney fan that I am…
But perhaps she DIDN’T go to the school looking for kids to steal, perhaps her mind has become so very deranged that she thought she was lost in some magical fairy land, and all the kids were giant Starbucks frappuccinos and king-size Marlboro cigarrettes… Totally plausible.

I just hope some one reels the girl in before she does any more damage to herself, or any one in her path.

Now… let’s take a moment to remember the good old days:

Dr. Phil: Victim of Lobotomy or Apprentice to Sith Lord?

Posted in Britney Spears, Media with tags , , , , on January 17, 2008 by attemptedmustache

Just one big disappointment to the world of the mustache. Tsk, tsk!

Finally it seems like that powers that be are going after some of the REAL evils in the world.
Yep, I wish I could say this were a definite end to the ridiculous career of brainiac television personality Phil McGraw (aka: Dr. Phil), but it seems that my wish for his personal and professional demise is still gonna have to be placed on the back-burner for a little while longer. However, at least THIS is a step in the right direction.

If you haven’t already heard, His Most Esteemed Ignorantness is actually getting investigated by the American Psychology Board for practicing without a license on Britney Spears, and later reporting that information to the media.

Yeah, it’s a bright move on Philly’s behalf, and probably more something you might expect from Tobias Funke on Arrested Development; but lil’ Philly boy has WAY out-stepped his boundaries, and it serves him right for thinking he’s above the law.

I made the mistake of watching the Dr. Phil show the other day. He was doing an episode that ridiculed teen girls for posting compromising pictures of themselves on online group sites in the cyber-social network, Facebook.
Yeah, not really a smooth move by the tweenies, but I honestly found the manner in which Dr. Phil and his minions orchestrated the episode far more appalling than the girl who decided it was an awesome idea to post pictures of herself pissing in a city fountain.
The pure manner in which Phil “counseled” the girls was infuriating, and everything in the show was edited and monitored to portray a specific image of these young girls, and relay an ignorant, ‘holier than thou’ attitude out to the public.
Generally speaking, I’m pretty sure Dr. Phil retired from his psychiatric practice, not because of his claim to fame and fortune, but perhaps because he was worried we’d all quickly realize that he actually obtained his PhD at Chucky Cheese, and not the University of North Texas, as he previously claimed.

Personally, I hope he pleads ignorance to all of this, because then I guess he’d be confirming something we all already knew, that he’s the complete and utter champion of Moronville, TX, U.S.A.

Next on the docket: After we take down Dr. Phil, the apprentice to the world’s current Sith Lord (Oprah Winfrey), I guess that’ll help us all direct our attentions to the Big Fish (or Big O, rather) who ignorantly introduced him to the public in the first place. It isn’t unfair, it’s just karma.