Tom Cruise, Your Mothership has arrived

Since all the news these days seems to center around the mental instability of Britney Spears, or Sarah Silverman f*#&ing Matt Damon, I thought I’d focus on something a little more realistic. Like intercity space travel, for instance.

I myself have not gotten sick of airplanes just yet, but for those who have, here is an exciting alternative… you know, if you have a couple hundred thous$$ to throw at Virgin Galactic:

Space Tourism: (I.e., Tom Cruise’s ticket back to the motherland. He was exiled on July 3rd 1962 after his birth caused an outbreak of postpartum depression (PPD) in over 20 alien mothers–he has since denied the existence of PPD) However, more formally, Space Tourism is the new promotion Virgin Galactic is potentially offering to future customers. The company announced last week that it’s first tourist space vehicle would also be able to launch satellites and make super-fast intercity trips.

According to New Scientist:

“From next year, Virgin plans to run $200,000-a-time flights from a spaceport in New Mexico. The launch vehicle is WhiteKnightTwo, a four-engine jet aircraft. It has two fuselages joined by a wing that supports a rocket called SpaceShipTwo. At an altitude of 52,000 feet (16 kilometres), the rocket will separate, taking the tourists to an altitude of 140 kilometres for 5 minutes of weightlessness and spectacular views of the Earth.

So far Virgin Galactic has banked $30 million in bookings. But four years ago, when design began, the company had been unsure of demand, so it gave the vehicles extra capacity.”

Personally, I like it that we’re finally creating an outlet for ALL the Scientologists to flee their Earthly realm (starting with Posh Spice, who JUST quit the Spice Girls so she could go pack–that should take about 5 years, roughly).

Scientologists should actually be thanking Virgin Galactic, now they don’t have to waste all that valuable energy levitating their way to outer space, as they had originally planned. This way they can finally focus on more important things, like poisoning the youth of America, for instance.
Although… Tom Cruise IS well-known for playing the sexually frustrated, homosexual aviator “Maverick” in Top Gun… he probably knows how to fly a Space Craft by now… (aka: operate a stick shaft… I mean… ‘shift’.). Don’t they teach that in intro Scientology classes anyway? (aka: extremely interactive, professional couching jumping and squinting classes).

Pictured: Movie Star who only uses 2 facial expressions in every movie he’s in:

‘Smiling’ and ‘not smiling’


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