Richard Branson Drops His Mighty Suck-bomb!

Well… can’t say I didn’t tell you so.
Richard Branson is a mighty douche, and didn’t we all know it.

The Lineup for Virgin Fest Calgary was announced today, and the true shit-mix of acts looks like some sort of samonella potluck.

I have 3 words for you: Three Days Grace

And although that should speak for itself, lets think about this for a second…

How does this lineup make any sense at all… ?
No amount of The New Pornographers, Constantines, Stars or Flaming Lips could get me through that set. Sorry guys, you’ve all been overpowered and de-cooled by the SUCK. I seriously think the only way I could actually make it through the Three Days set is if I actually set myself on fire, immersed my head in one of the portable toilets or harpooned myself on the sharpest object in Fort Calgary (A Canadian Flag? How fitting!). Seriously, the alternative is always worse than the above, and no amount of ear plugs, headphones, plastic bags, sweat pants, quesadillas, crotch-socks or jockstraps would or COULD get me through it.

So, if you’re a total masochist and you have a huge hate-on for music, here is where you get tickets
AKA: $125 to kick yourself in the nut-sack.

As for the rest of you, read it and weep:

Stone Temple Pilots
The Tragically Hip
The Flaming Lips
City and Colour
Mathew good
Three Days Grace
The New Pornographers
Stars
Corb Lund
Fact to Face
Constantines
Attack in Black
Pride Tiger
Crash Parallel
The Dudes
The Whitsundays
Ten Second Epic
The Spades
Said the Whale

For those looking for even more info on how shitty Virgin Fest really is, make a stop at the Annotated Everything for the run-down.